"I’d had enough of other people for a while. I didn’t want to talk to anybody and didn’t want to think about anything. I just wanted to sit around and do nothing. But it wasn’t easy. Do you know how it feels when you don’t know how to feel? When your mind keeps slipping from one thing to another, when you can’t relax, when you know you’ve got an itch but you don’t know where to scratch? That’s how I felt. I just didn’t know how to feel about anything. Everything kept going around and around in circles in my head. It was as if someone had opened up a magic box and a dozen grinning jack-in-the-boxes were waving their heads and screaming questions at me. Do you care? Do you want to care? I wish I knew. I wished.. yeah, I wished."
"I can say to myself — it doesn’t matter what they think, their opinions are worthless. Let them think what they like — what do I care? I can say that to myself. It doesn’t always work, but at least I can say it. But when it comes to people whose opinions I value — that’s different. That’s when it’s hard. When someone you respect, or admire, or love, thinks badly of you, then it’s not good enough to just be yourself. Because if you’re being yourself and they still think badly of you, then either they’re wrong or you are."
"It’s hard to think about growing up when you’re right in the middle of it. It’s hard to know what you want. Sometimes there are so many voices in your head it’s difficult to know which of them is yours. You want this; you want that. You think you want this; but then you want that. You think you ought to want this; but everyone says you’re supposed to want that. It’s not easy."
"He tells me how sad he is. But he won’t take his own advice — he won’t give his sadness some life. I don’t know why. Sometimes I think it’s because he wants the sadness to die inside him. That if it dies inside him, he’s keeping it from me. But what he doesn’t realize is that I don’t want to be excluded from his sadness. I want some of it. I want to feel it, too. I don’t know if that makes any sense. i don’t even know if it’s true. But it’s what I was thinking."
"I was somewhere else for a while. I don’t know where. All I can remember is a strange, buzzy feeling in my head, an intensity of excitement and sadness that I’d never felt before and probably won’t ever feel again. It was as if I knew, even then, what was going to happen."